Still
a few gifts from me to you for the darkest time of the year
In the northern hemisphere we are coming to the still point of the darkest nights - winter solstice. And this year - 2025 has been so full of everything - this event is crowned by a dark moon as well. Double darkness. Double invitation to go into the womb of living things in order to be deathed and rebirthed. But the time between death and rebirth is not something we are comfortable with.
This is a short post, it’s been knocking at my door for a few days - make an offering. But I first had to notice the resistance in my body toward all the things one writes in an end-of-year newsletter.
Last year was all about intense practices for me: I took a powerful journey that unlocked me from some of my limiting beliefs, I did the 12 days / 13 intentions practice called Rauhnächte (which reminded me of spending this period of time in Guatemala in 2018 and witnessing the smoke rituals), I was and continued to be quite demanding of myself around purifying rituals throughout the year. That was what I needed a year ago as I stepped into a surprisingly challenging year for myself, for our couple.
This year something within me is resisting all this, even end-of-year reviews as helpful as they are to look back on our journeys to this point ... This year I feel rebellious in a soft way - I don’t want to do anything. And I don’t think it’s laziness. There is a body intelligence that keeps me resting on the sofa, warm drink in hand, ideas of things to do swirling around but no engine to see them through. It is enough for me to be and life flows to and through me. This year I am finding the still point in the midst of the chaos of this festive period and its messaging to do quite the opposite.
An offering
Below is a guided visualization of healing, softness and warmth. I hope you enjoy it once or as many times as you feel called to sit with yourself and this offering.
A poem
Vulnerability hangover1
I hope that sometime during this festive period
you also get a vulnerability hangover.
I wish for you to be received so fully, so compassionately,
that there is no other way than for your body
to release and reveal itself in all her beauty.
I then wish for you to be so exquisitely kind to yourself,
when the hangover creeps in,
that you let it rise and settle to remake you.
This is how I did it, yesterday:
I poured my heart out to 2 strangers
who met me with grounding and compassion.
I poured out to them all those tightly held secret feelings
of shame, guilt and grief
that I thought I had released.
But healing is not a once in a lifetime event -
it comes around
knocking insistently
when there is enough space
and a pouring of living presence
for it to leave its warmth.
And those hidden fears came out raging
inviting my human heart to trust:
Trust the places that I painted black in my memories.
Trust in the warm hold of her hand
when she encouraged me cry out the fear
that was still lodged in my heart
Trust enough to cry
with the man who took off his authoritative mask
and recited verses that I understood
were his own way of coping with uncopable things of life.
PS: if you have the space and energy, take a look at Embodied Wisdom Gathering happening next autumn. Early bird ends on 31 December 2025.
PPS: if you wish to know more about how Melissa and I co-create and hold these spaces, watch this short video interview we made earlier this month.
term coined by Brené Brown